There are bound to be arguments no matter what stage you are in the divorce process. Many of these arguments are most likely unwanted or unnecessary both for you and your partner. Here are 5 tips to help you stop an argument before it escalates.
- Keep Your Voice in Check
It’s our first reaction to be on the defense when confronted with someone angry at us. That makes it more difficult to keep calm when dealing with a tense situation. However, it’s important to remind yourself that shouting will not solve the problem. It will not make your partner hear you clearly and it won’t keep them quiet. It will only increase the tension.
- Step Away from the Situation
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do to end an argument is to simply walk away. This doesn’t mean you have to storm off and cut the conversation short, but by telling your partner you want to talk about the issue at a later time, it will give both of you some time to cool down. That way, you can both have a discussion with a clear mind, knowing exactly what you want to get out of it.
- Show Empathy
When an argument comes up, try to be empathetic and understand why your partner is angry. Try to see and feel whatever they are feeling. Even if you disagree, by allowing yourself to be in their shoes, you will respond differently which will stop the argument from getting out of hand.
- Know When to Apologize to Your Partner
It’s common to associate our apologies with admitting we’re wrong or it may give us the feeling of giving up. However, apologizing can be a way to express sympathy and responsibility. Don’t let pride keep you from resolving the argument.
- Set Time Limits
It may seem controlling to set a time limit on your conversation but setting limits will make sure both parties stay on-topic. So, whether it be 10,20 or 30 minutes, make sure you set a time limit with your partner from the get-go. This will also help eliminate any unnecessary dialogue from both parties and a solution can be reached faster.
A question that may make one pause when discussing a blended family after divorce is, “How many kids do you have?” This is one of the most common questions that I am asked and it’s consistently problematic for me. Sometimes I keep it vague and simply say that my husband and I have three kids together. However, people typically expand upon this by asking their ages, and the 10 year age gap between my eldest and middle child generally raises eyebrows until I explain that the eldest is my stepdaughter, my husband’s daughter from his first marriage. The interviewer generally responds awkwardly to all this and, for whatever reason, I feel like I deceived them somewhere along the way.