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October 7, 2020 by splitcoach Leave a Comment

5 Ways to End an Unwanted Argument When Going Through a Divorce

There are bound to be arguments no matter what stage you are in the divorce process. Many of these arguments are most likely unwanted or unnecessary both for you and your partner. Here are 5 tips to help you stop an argument before it escalates.

Keep Your Voice in Check

It’s our first reaction to be on the defense when confronted with someone angry at us. That makes it more difficult to keep calm when dealing with a tense situation. However, it’s important to remind yourself that shouting will not solve the problem. It will not make your partner hear you clearly and it won’t keep them quiet. It will only increase the tension.

Step Away from the Situation

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do to end an argument is to simply walk away. This doesn’t mean you have to storm off and cut the conversation short, but by telling your partner you want to talk about the issue at a later time, it will give both of you some time to cool down. That way, you can both have a discussion with a clear mind, knowing exactly what you want to get out of it.

Show Empathy

When an argument comes up, try to be empathetic and understand why your partner is angry. Try to see and feel whatever they are feeling. Even if you disagree, by allowing yourself to be in their shoes, you will respond differently which will stop the argument from getting out of hand.

Know When to Apologize to Your Partner

It’s common to associate our apologies with admitting we’re wrong or it may give us the feeling of giving up. However, apologizing can be a way to express sympathy and responsibility. Don’t let pride keep you from resolving the argument.

Set Time Limits

It may seem controlling to set a time limit on your conversation but setting limits will make sure both parties stay on-topic. So, whether it be 10,20 or 30 minutes, make sure you set a time limit with your partner from the get-go. This will also help eliminate any unnecessary dialogue from both parties and a solution can be reached faster.

September 23, 2020 by splitcoach Leave a Comment

Divorced, but Still Living Under the Same Roof

Are you and your spouse living separate lives under the same roof? There are many reasons why spouses stay in the same house even after getting a divorce. Some of the reasons are, they can’t afford separate places, they want to maintain a stable family for their kids, the location is close to work, etc…

Although it is not an ideal situation to cohabitate as a divorced couple, it can work if both parties establish a clear guideline on how the contact will be conducted. , This is especially important so that there is no to confusion for children or friends and family directly affected by the divorce.

Here are some tips to help both parties maintain healthy boundaries while divorced, but living under the same roof:

Establish a goal to eventually separate permanently.
Sleep in separate bedrooms.
Stop wearing wedding rings.
Don’t shop for your ex’s food, prepare their meals or shop for other necessities and vice versa. Don’t let them shop for you.
Each spouse should be responsibility for caring for their own space such as the bedroom.
Use separate computers.
Stop socializing together. Do not go to the movies, parties, restaurant, etc… together.
If you have minor children, interact as parents only when necessary from the child’s perspective and their well-being.
Don’t give gifts to each other on special occasions – birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.
Let close family and friends know that you are no longer married but are still living under the same roof.
Take advantage of separate entrances to your home if possible.

September 9, 2020 by splitcoach Leave a Comment

Creating a Parenting Plan When Going Through a Divorce

A parenting plan is a default agreement if parents cannot agree. It also helps establish a pattern of consistency and consideration for each parent. In some states, a parenting plan is required before a divorce will be granted to parents with minor children.

Here are a few items to consider when creating a parenting plan.

Time Sharing. Your parenting plan should include times and procedures for transitions. This may vary depending on parents’ relationships and the ages of the child(ren). Check with your circuit/state to identify the Court’s pattern in your area. Also consider your plan for holidays, vacations, school and non-school days.

Consider the best interests of the children. Which adults have played a significant role in the life of a child and for how long? Are Grandparents neutral to the presence of both parents in the life of the child? Bring significant others to the exchange. No reminders about them coming from a split home should be present. Power, position and control impact decisions about the best interests of the child.

What the child(ren) should know. Let your child(ren) know that the plan if for them and when the divorce is final. They should know the best way to contact both parents at all times and if there is a plan for either parent to remarry.

What the child(ren) should NOT know. They should know if a parent has been unfaithful. They should not be included in the court filings and proceedings unless there is a decision that directly impacts their lives. They also do not need to know about financial details, or the negative things one parent feels about the other.

What Kids Worry About. It is normal for kids to miss the other parent and worry about their parents fighting/arguing. They may also feel like it’s all their fault or they won’t have enough time with either parent.

If you need support going through your divorce, click here for a no-cost discovery session.

March 3, 2020 by Nathalie Rosen Leave a Comment

Why Splitting Up In Texas is Simple – Child Custody

Three overfilled elevators passed before them before they were able to board one, just barely squeezing their bodies in enough so the doors would close. Their attorney guided them off the elevator on the family law floor and ushered them past the chaos of the hallway. There were adults, babies and children clustered everywhere and it seemed an impossibility that anyone court could process this many people in a single day.

The court in question was the Bexar County courthouse in San Antonio. The couple in question was Peter and his wife Ashley who had just flown in from Los Angeles the previous day to seek joint custody of Jessica, a toddler whom Peter had fathered with an ex-girlfriend in San Antonio three years prior.

February 5, 2020 by Nathalie Rosen Leave a Comment

Co-Parenting Frustrating Questions

A question that may make one pause when discussing a blended family after divorce is, “How many kids do you have?” This is one of the most common questions that I am asked and it’s consistently problematic for me. Sometimes I keep it vague and simply say that my husband and I have three kids together. However, people typically expand upon this by asking their ages, and the 10 year age gap between my eldest and middle child generally raises eyebrows until I explain that the eldest is my stepdaughter, my husband’s daughter from his first marriage. The interviewer generally responds awkwardly to all this and, for whatever reason, I feel like I deceived them somewhere along the way.

To avoid this routine, I usually tell the asker that I have a 9-year-old and a 6-year-old and a 19-year-old stepdaughter, but it pains me to differentiate among my kids that way. You see, my stepdaughter Amanda has been in my life since she was three-years-old and I truly consider her as much my child as her siblings. Yet, and this is the conflicting part, she’s not 100% mine and I respect her mother too much to claim her as my own.