No matter what stage you are at in your divorce, there are bound to be arguments that arise. Many of these arguments are unnecessary or unwanted, both for you as well as your partner’s mental health. Whether it be in the process of, pre or post-divorce, there are simply times you want to stop an argument in its tracks. Here are five ways that may help you find success in that process.
1. Avoid Raising Your Voice
When confronted by an angry person, often our first instinct is to go on the defense, especially if things are already tense. This makes it that much more difficult to keep our voice calm when dealing with a situation. However, remind yourself that volume does not actually do anything. It doesn’t make your partner hear you more clearly and it doesn’t shut them down if anything it fuels them.
2. Step Away
Sometimes, the most powerful way to end an argument is by learning when to walk away. This doesn’t mean an abrupt or rude exit. By engaging, you open the door to any fights occurring. By telling your partner you would like to talk about an issue at a later time, you give each of you the opportunity to cool down before pursuing your points. This way, you can approach an issue knowing exactly what you want to get out of it in a clear and concise manner.
A question that may make one pause when discussing a blended family after divorce is, “How many kids do you have?” This is one of the most common questions that I am asked and it’s consistently problematic for me. Sometimes I keep it vague and simply say that my husband and I have three kids together. However, people typically expand upon this by asking their ages, and the 10 year age gap between my eldest and middle child generally raises eyebrows until I explain that the eldest is my stepdaughter, my husband’s daughter from his first marriage. The interviewer generally responds awkwardly to all this and, for whatever reason, I feel like I deceived them somewhere along the way.