Are you and your spouse living separate lives under the same roof? There are many reasons why spouses stay in the same house even after getting a divorce. Some of the reasons are, they can’t afford separate places, they want to maintain a stable family for their kids, the location is close to work, etc…
Although it is not an ideal situation to cohabitate as a divorced couple, it can work if both parties establish a clear guideline on how the contact will be conducted. , This is especially important so that there is no to confusion for children or friends and family directly affected by the divorce.
Here are some tips to help both parties maintain healthy boundaries while divorced, but living under the same roof:
- Establish a goal to eventually separate permanently.
- Sleep in separate bedrooms.
- Stop wearing wedding rings.
- Don’t shop for your ex’s food, prepare their meals or shop for other necessities and vice versa. Don’t let them shop for you.
- Each spouse should be responsibility for caring for their own space such as the bedroom.
- Use separate computers.
- Stop socializing together. Do not go to the movies, parties, restaurant, etc… together.
- If you have minor children, interact as parents only when necessary from the child’s perspective and their well-being.
- Don’t give gifts to each other on special occasions – birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.
- Let close family and friends know that you are no longer married but are still living under the same roof.
- Take advantage of separate entrances to your home if possible.
A question that may make one pause when discussing a blended family after divorce is, “How many kids do you have?” This is one of the most common questions that I am asked and it’s consistently problematic for me. Sometimes I keep it vague and simply say that my husband and I have three kids together. However, people typically expand upon this by asking their ages, and the 10 year age gap between my eldest and middle child generally raises eyebrows until I explain that the eldest is my stepdaughter, my husband’s daughter from his first marriage. The interviewer generally responds awkwardly to all this and, for whatever reason, I feel like I deceived them somewhere along the way.